Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Back but not forgotten...

I haven't forgotten about this blog in the last several months I have just been in a very bad way and haven't felt like writing anything at all. Today I was creating a new blog for my extended family to keep in touch and I realized how very long it has been since I had written anything on here.
I haven't made much progress, if any, health wise. But my sweet James still treats me like I am his princess. Today he brought me a skor candy bar. Don't ask me where he got the money or the time.

He had come in from work for lunch and for the fourth day in a row I was still in bed hurting bad and when he tried to talk to me about it I just burst into tears...not at all like me. I just spilled over telling him I hate this chair, I hate being sick, I hate hurting, I hate being usless, I hate being alone, I hate being lonely...I just dumped it all on him. And he didn't need more burdens right now. But I had held it in as long as I could and out it came. I told him I had been trying to deal with this "go around" of pain without saying anything to anyone, even him, because as tired as I am of talking about it they all HAD to be tired of hearing about it. So it had been a very bad four days but I was just not saying anything.

He just hugged me and went back to work in his usual sweet way. But he called for little nothings four times in the two hours he was gone! And when he came home he had some how found a way with no money in the bank, no toilet paper and no gas in the vehicles to bring me a candy bar. His own sweet quiet way of saying I love you, I notice, I heard every word you said and I care!

We of course split the candy bar and watched a movie together! I am not OK but I am 100 times better.

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