Friday, October 21, 2011

Holding Me in His Sleep

It is no secret that I was married before for 12 years. And at 43 years of age I have given my fair share of marriage counseling to young women who were my former students and ended up being friends. I also read, A LOT! And always have.
But I have never heard or read or known of anyone like my husband James. We have been married almost 13 years and this just dawned on me the two nights ago. I've noticed it, in a way before but never had it been clear like it was the other night.
When James sleeps by himself or with one of the kids he sleeps facing the outside of the bed or on his back. If one of the kids is in the bed he always piles pillows and blankets between him and them so they don't kick him and wake him up.
So when I can't sleep because of pain and am up late I try to slip in as quiet as I can when he has to get up real early to go to work, because I don't want to wake him up. And most of the time I don't. When I get in bed I always very gently lay a hand on his arm or shoulder or back....usually on top of the blanket so it doesn't disturb him, but just to be touching him as I fall asleep. Like the other night.

But even in his sleep, without his breathing changing or anything. He knows I am there. He always reaches out in his sleep and holds my hand with at least one of his or he will take my hand and hold it covered in both of his while he sleeps. Or if he rolls away from me he takes my hand with him wrapping my arm around him while holding my hand in his sleep. Or if I roll over he rolls over and rubs my shoulder for a second before laying his arm across my waist.
He is so connected to me and aware of me. He loves me so much that even in his sleep he is watching over me, protecting me, checking on me, making me feel safe and taking care of me. If I make a sound in my sleep that is different than my normal snoring. He is instantly wide awake, up on his elbow checking on me. Even before I am awake enough to realize that I cried out in my sleep in pain trying to turn over he's awake and talking to me and helping me, turning me, soothing me, adjusting pillows, whatever I need!
I believe that when God said that "they two shall become one flesh" this is part of what he had in mind. Neither one of us is by far perfect! But together we make a far better whole than we do two halves!
You always hear about Mothers being like this with their children but I never realized that it was a bond that you could have outside of that connection with a baby you had given birth to.
But I don't know why...If God spoke it I should have assumed it. I guess because I hadn't heard anyone talk about it and hadn't experienced it myself before and then when I did at first it was hard for me to get used to being so close to anyone. Even though I loved him with all that was in me I sometimes felt there must be pieces missing or damaged that made me feel worried about giving 1,000% in case I got hurt again. 
But the other night I realized, James hurting me would be like chopping off his own leg! We are ONE person! He loves me and would give himself for me! I don't have to hold anything back ever!
Taken with my phone camera at night...James holding my hand at night!
So I snuggled my hand in his and went straight to sleep holding hands with the Man of my Dreams!!

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