Reality of Loving

I was talking to a friend of mine this week. Between us we have racked up almost 45 years of experience at this thing called Marriage and Love.

There is a lot of books, songs, poems, and talk about both extreems when it comes to Love, Marriage and or the opposite there of when things are bad and even headed to or end up in Divorce. But there isn't very much honesty about the reality of what happens in between the two extreams.

What about the Day to day. After the wedding and honeymoon are over and real life sets in? You love each other and you know it but real life isn't lived on the Mountain Top of the Wedding Day or Valentines Day or your Anniversary. Real life is lived the 360 days of the year that aren't holidays. The days of getting up early for work even when you both are tired or sick. The days of paying bills and making the money stretch till the next payday. The worry over parents getting older and the kids making the right friends and choices. It's picking up his socks every day for 25 years even when it bugs you and the laundry basket is right there.

Its his going out and starting your vehicle to warm it up every morning just because he loves you and is still a gentleman, even though he'd rather stay in a warm bed. Its the little and the big things that are sweet and that aren't so sweet that you are willing to overlook and live with because you love each and know you are better because you are together.

These Valley Walks that you walk together are the real marriage. This is what those looks that you see pass between couples who have been married for years are all about. It is a deep understanding of things big and small, not just the good times but all the hundreds of problems and misunderstandings they have come thru together.

When I married James I loved him. I knew he was a good man. I trusted him. I liked him. He was my friend....

Now, I am IN love WITH him. I lean on him and give him all my heart and trust completely. I like him as a person even more and he is my very best friend in the world. We have become closer than I imagined two people could ever be. We have been thru the wringger when it comes to health, finances and the outside world, but each of these things, instead of pushing us apart has bound us stronger together.

If others in this world could grasp this concept that the reality of life and love is lived in the real world, even for Christians, not in some cloud. Many marriages would be happier and last a lot longer.

Back but not forgotten...

I haven't forgotten about this blog in the last several months I have just been in a very bad way and haven't felt like writing anything at all. Today I was creating a new blog for my extended family to keep in touch and I realized how very long it has been since I had written anything on here.
I haven't made much progress, if any, health wise. But my sweet James still treats me like I am his princess. Today he brought me a skor candy bar. Don't ask me where he got the money or the time.

He had come in from work for lunch and for the fourth day in a row I was still in bed hurting bad and when he tried to talk to me about it I just burst into tears...not at all like me. I just spilled over telling him I hate this chair, I hate being sick, I hate hurting, I hate being usless, I hate being alone, I hate being lonely...I just dumped it all on him. And he didn't need more burdens right now. But I had held it in as long as I could and out it came. I told him I had been trying to deal with this "go around" of pain without saying anything to anyone, even him, because as tired as I am of talking about it they all HAD to be tired of hearing about it. So it had been a very bad four days but I was just not saying anything.

He just hugged me and went back to work in his usual sweet way. But he called for little nothings four times in the two hours he was gone! And when he came home he had some how found a way with no money in the bank, no toilet paper and no gas in the vehicles to bring me a candy bar. His own sweet quiet way of saying I love you, I notice, I heard every word you said and I care!

We of course split the candy bar and watched a movie together! I am not OK but I am 100 times better.

My Turn

I couldn't sleep last night. I've been up since James woke me up at 9am yesterday. 24hrs now. So...When the alarm went off I fixed coffee, sausage gravy, homemade biscuits, cheese grits and eggs for breakfast all from scratch, nothing prepackaged, and fed my family a good meal to start their day! It felt good. I am so very tired, but feel better that I gave instead of always being on the recieving end!

Wed.

To a lot of people this would just be another day in the middle of another week, in the middle of the year. To me it was waking up once again to my so very sweet husband. When I paniced that we had overslept and needed to get the kids up for school, he was so calm and tender when he told me that it was after 9am and he had already taken them to school.

He had gotten up, got the kids up, fed them, taken them to school and let me sleep in. Then while I was getting dressed the dear sweet man snuck into the kitchen and made me breakfast!

Of course feeling guilty at having done nothing, I started to strip the bed and he even came in and helped me strip and remake the bed!! The man never stops! I can't out give or out love him! But I am so very, very thankful for him!!

M&M's = Love

I didn't post yesterday so these will be out of order, but this is for yesterday!
There I was, laying in the recliner, again! How many days in a row was it now? I can't even remember...6, 7 days. Haven't washed my hair, haven't even brushed it in two days because it hurts too bad to have the brush touch it.
James got up without a word, woke the kids for school, made them breakfast, brought me a plate and a cup of coffee, took the kids to school in the -13 degree weather, went to work, picked up his check, paid bills, and found time in the middle of it all to stop and buy me a treat.
Not, mind you, a little bag of candy, or even a extra large, but a full 1 pound bag of M&M's!
It's not the kind of candy he bought, it is that with doing his chores for the day and mine, he was thinking of me...in a BIG way!! And while that was all our finances could afford he did all he could to show me he was thinking of me and worrying about me instead of being frustrated that he was out extra long doing extra work, because of me.
How many times have I gotten irritated at having to do something extra to lighten his load when he asked? How many times have I missed an opportunity to show him how important he is in my life?
The little things DO count!